A few “good” men?

“That’s my secret… I’m always angry.” – Bruce Banner in the Avengers

“It’s not an act of love if you make her” – from “Labour” by Paris Paloma

Like Bruce Banner (aka The Hulk), I am always angry. I am angry at patriarchy and the subjugation of women. I am angry at all the supposedly “Good men” who don’t care about women’s rights and brush off women losing autonomy with a “Yeah, yeah.” I am angry at the “not all men” crowd who cannot understand why women choose the bear. Every. Single. Time.

The revelation of the “online rape academy”, with 62 million visits, just increases my ire – and that of all women. ( It doesn’t matter if the stat is several million repeat visits or 62 individual visits; any number greater than zero is too high.)  This site teaches men how to drug and assault their wives, girlfriends and others with whom they are supposedly in a loving and safe relationship. It takes the one place that should be safe  – their own home – and makes it just as dangerous as a seedy bar or dark alley. Suddenly, women are no longer safe in their own homes and are threatened by the man they thought was actually safe.   And despite this, men will complain about women feeling unsafe around them, instead of expressing outrage and anger at this abuse or doing the work to make the world safer.

But even before that, I was angry. Angry at men who think it is OK to be “tired of hearing” about the Epstein files. (Because, after all, hundreds of abused women and girls mean nothing to them). Angry at men who consider themselves to be “Good men” (and are likely considered ‘good’ by those around them), yet who brush off the significance of women losing their rights. (Yes, that was in the USA, and this is Canada, but they are still women and humans.) These “good men” (hah!) seem to consider women’s rights as separate from human rights. They will never have to carry a baby to term, even at the risk to their life, even if it was through incest or sexual assault. These are ‘good men’ who figure they don’t need to care about women, because they will never face the fear of losing their autonomy or rights.

So, here is why: Good People care about the rights of all others. Even those they will never risk losing or those that do not directly affect them. Nothing loses my respect faster than showing a basic lack of empathy.   Good men work to dismantle patriarchy and toxic masculinity because the subjugation of anyone is abhorrent to them, and because they recognize that toxic masculinity and patriarchy are harmful to everyone.  

In the end, it comes down to this: women’s rights are human rights, and you cannot brush off the erosion and violation of human rights and still be a good person.